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06/18/00 Whaddaya Do When "Faculties Failure Requires Sense Anew?" By Eddie Nambulous I know, I know. You’re wondering what the heck is that Crazy Eddie yammering about this time? Let me break it down for you gentle readers (as if four-hundred-million-dollars-worth of you don’t already know) – I’m riffing here on "the sixth sense." The notion that we’ve got another biological tool to rely on besides the ever-present, standbys of sight, sound, smell, taste and -- Squire Nambulous’ favorite of the bunch – touch. People, sometimes we just gotta get out of our bodies and use our heads to access that next sense. I understand, I have trouble doing it myself. Life beyond our limited spheres is difficult to understand, but the aliens are here and they’re counting on us to be bound and gagged by the basic five senses. And we can’t let them get away with that. Such was the case when Foster took the plunge back into his former life to reclaim his mantle as master thief, "B & E" man extraordinaire. Why would a currently upstanding, hero-type like Foster return to a life of crime you ask? Only one answer – say it with me – Gua. A quatrain sent Foster to check out a possible alien plot to steal defense weaponry from a major techno-supplier located in the billionaire’s club called Silicon Valley. Once there Cade realized the threat wasn’t the Gua getting their hands on a new weapon – the twist was they already had it. This was more like a test -- another experiment on we poor unsuspecting earthlings. But Foster was onto them. The aliens were playing mind games with a white room. Gua 101. No doors, no escape. Foster is the tragic proof – the Gua like to test their toys on Mother Earth – we’re their very own planet of lab rats. Humans. Us. If it makes you feel smaller than a gnats navel, good. We all gotta feel that way if we’re gonna do something about this. This machine created nightmares of the most personal kind -- it reacts to us. Foster realized that the trick was to make it react for us. The way out of the maze -- follow intuition. And so we circle back to the elusive sixth sense, the unexplainable hunch, the tingle in your toes, the hair on the back of your neck (which in my case needs to be shaved once a week or it sticks out like a wild, slab of suburban sod-grass). Foster found out the best way to beat a Gua is to go all the way with what we have at our disposable – trust your gut. Use your brain. In this case it worked. But it wasn’t easy. The machine was smart – or at least lucky. Foster went in with some old thief buddies. A best friend, a flame from the past … perfect fodder for the Gua version of emotional twister. Our feelings are powerful things they are. They can keep us locked in a trailer ninety-nine percent of the time or send us off the side of a cliff. They can make us wacky enough in love to proclaim our undying devotion for a chick or a dude and keep us bound to that person ‘til the end of all time. Our intuition, the thing that tells us right from wrong, it goes even further. If we open our mind we can receive all kinds of understanding, all kinds of warning. Suddenly we know to duck when a balls about to smack us in the noggin’ or to stay an extra day on vacation when the plane we were supposed to be on inexplicably crashes. Our emotions help us to express our desire, to go out and slam dance in a mud pit, or bike across the desert, to hug someone, to paint an iguana purple (I painted Shelley when I was a kid, we were both really happy with the change) – something motivates us to do the things we do. And, with a little luck and some heroes to follow along the way, hopefully we do the right thing. Hearing, seeing, tasting, touch, smell. Foster and Harley won by ignoring those senses to embrace the more cerebral of the bunch. They showed the Gua that we can defeat one of their most powerful weapons -- a machine that traps you in the labyrinth of your own mind. They did it by trusting senses beyond the ones we ordinarily use in life. Senses, as Foster put it, that may become weapons in our very own arsenal against the Gua. Trusting that sense, Unbelievables, that’s what makes us strong. And that strength makes us human. If you ask me … Crazy Eddie Nambulous.
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