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08/06/00 Gimme Some Lovin'. By Eddie Nambulous Gigolos, call girls. Worlds oldest profession – EZ money. Who of us hasn’t been fascinated by sex for sale? Not that I encourage anyone to partake of such a forbidden fruit, I mean that’s an apple with worms if I ever saw one – but there is something mysterious and alluring about it – if only in theory. See, Eddie truly believes that the only way to make love is when you’re in love. But let’s face it, something drives people out into the streets or nose first into the yellow pages to find the company of others. My question this week is – what exactly is that motivation? And I may have an answer courtesy of the Gua. So get your mind out of the gutter. The word doesn’t start with an ‘H’ for all of those who thought it was horny. I’m talking here about loneliness. Maybe even fear. Nobody likes to be alone. I mean, even I gotta admit, things are better with Foster’s company. Just having someone to talk to, to relate to, to work with. It’s cool, ya know. Everybody’s gotta have a best friend. But I don’t think that’s what people are looking for when they dial 1-800-GIMME SOMELOVIN’. Those people are looking for escape from the worst kind of loneliness – the romantic kind. Recently, even Foster had to go under cover as a boy-gigolo with the right kind of sales equipment to catch a Rico Suave alien named Russ. This Gua-o-the-week had a jones for taking out rich ladies in a hotel using some sweet-seduction and a reallllly big needle. Russ thought he was just exploiting our worst qualities. Called us weak and corrupt for needing something and trying to get it. He figured having sex for pay and getting killed for being silly enough to do it was what people were asking for if they tried to reach out and touch someone they didn’t really know. Russ was a real sleaze ball – heartless and without remorse. When Foster had Russ face-to-face Russ the alien threatened to tear the head off a kid. Cade had no choice but to let him go -- but not for long. But what was Russ taking from these lonely chicks with his big needle? Turns out the aliens were harvesting oxytocin – a hormone found in the female brain during sexual arousal. Foster and I realized that the aliens were using the oxytocin for it’s healing abilities. If the Gua got their hands on it they’d be damn hard to beat. (cont). And to think this all started with a sad girl looking for a no-commitment night with a fantasy boy. Makes you consider the ramifications of anonymous sex in a whole new light, huh? The lonely girl we were searching for was Jennifer Moore, sister to romance novelist Renee Ashford. Renee didn’t want to believe that Jennifer had needed to sleep with a stranger to feel like she had someone. Renee had hoped Jen would have gone to her first. See Jennifer and Renee were both really lonely people. Renee was hard, didn’t think anyone wanted to help her … and she had reason. She’d been let down a lotta times. Sure she lost her parents and found a trust fund but that didn’t make her and her sister’s lives any easier. When Renee thought she was about to lose Jennifer it really hurt – she’d lost her lifeline – the only thing she could be sure of. Foster wanted to show Renee that people could care. He wanted to bring these two sad souls back to each other. Deep down, I know Foster feels really lonely all the time. Yeah he’s got me, and like I said, we’re best pals – but that’s nothing like being in love. I felt that recently when I saw my old, sweetheart Marianne. I know Cade feels it every time he thinks of Hannah. It’s a lonely world out there, and all we can do is stick together. That’s tough for we paranoids, but even in our alone-ness we know we’ve got a neurotic community to support our cause. And paranoids don’t seek out the love of those women and men of ill repute – how could we? Ya just can’t trust someone you don’t know. A paranoid knows there is no way to truly escape. Someone’s always watchin’. So, in a real round about way I guess my message this week is this – as alone as we can feel the best way to cure that is to reach out to the people we’ve got close rather than turning ourselves over to what could be a dangerous situation with a professional stranger. Renee Ashford got her sister Jen back, but only because of Foster and the fact that he cares about people. The Gua will stop at nothing to exploit any side of our psyche, Believers. So we gotta fight the urges that could get us in trouble – overcoming our own stuff and working together is the only way to win. Believe that.
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