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 What the heck is an "Illuminati?"(4/9/99) Welcome fellow alien hunters! You have now entered the direct connection to the Paranoid Times. The way for you to contact Foster and me and alert us to any unusual or suspicious alien activity in your neck o’ the woods. The response has been great so far. I’m answering as many letters as time allows, so be patient if you’ve written and look forward to an e-mail soon. I’m happy to see our internet following is growing and the crusade is rising in power. Pretty soon the aliens won’t stand a chance! Keep writing, folks, we’re depending on you… --Crazy Eddie Hi, could you tell me if Cade is seeing anyone-if not, i'm v interested! --NOV Dear NOV, What, are you nuts? We're fighting aliens here! Besides, I think Cade carries a heavy heart after what those blood sucking tentacled freaks have done to his life, Hannah especially. But hey, I ain't Cade Foster. That kid can bounce back like a rubber band. You shouldn't give up hope... um, you know, I'm available... luv, Edward Nambulous Dear Crazy Eddie, I think my husband is an alien. He actually gave me flowers for our anniversary and offered me money to spend any way I want. What should I do? Mirsada Dear Mirsada, I can always respect a fellow paranoid mind. First, check out the flowers: are they coated with any brain numbing noxious pseudo-pollen? Or are they emitting any high frequency mind controlling death buzz? If you answered no to both of those, you just got a bunch of flowers. Now the money: does it look legit? or has it been filtered through laundering alien hands (look for discoloration, or a weird smell, maybe). If the dough's good, buy yourself some nice shoes. So, as long as you don't think you're waking up with any microchips implanted into your head in the middle of the night, and you're not having any unusual hallucinations, and your man doesn't flash alien, you might just have a plain old thoughtful husband. SIGH. Happy anniversary. Eddie. I think all my teachers are aliens all my teachers are really crazy and hyper all the time. either they are addicted to caffeine or they are aliens man!!!! -Pentium Wizard Dear Pentium Wizard, Remember your training, grasshopper. Look for unusual signs that suggest alien activity. I have found in my experience that there are three kinds of teachers. Either they're super hyper from the caffeine in coffee because it's hard to keep up with the super-fast minds of today's youth, or they're so braindead from teaching they put everyone else to sleep. The third kind is exactly that -- a close encounter of the third kind -- infiltration and assimilation. ALIENS, grasshopper. get the facts first. fight the power second. and remember: not everyone's as smart as I am. School can help the slow mind. --Master Eddie Nambulous of Sha-Ling Temple After watching your second episode, i was wondering if you could tell me the name of the secret group in your show, im not sure how to spell it, i believe it was something like illuminate, or ilumenade, something like that. Im just curious about the spelling of this word, its for a story im writing. If you can get back to me ASAP that would be great. Thanks --Alphie Dear Alphie, An astute question, my friend. You are of course referring to the "Illuminati". The symbol on the front of the Nostradamus book that is in Foster's possession may or may not be this very symbol. The eye in the pyramid: look on the back of a dollar bill, bub, they got their greedy little fingers in everything. They're said to control banking around the world. They're behind the "Novus Ordo Seclorum" -- the New World Order (also on the buck), for better or for worse. This is a highly complex and involved topic. So I'm gonna turn you on to the absolute authoritative book on the subject known as "The Illuminatus Trilogy" by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson. The only way these dudes could get this elaborate treatise on the Illuminati published without stirring the ire of these diabolical power-brokers was to pass it off as fiction. And we all know truth is a helluva lot stranger than fiction. So check it out...and begin to open your eyes to what's really going on... In secrecy, Crazy Eddie Nambulous |
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