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 My Fellow Weirdos.(4/23/99) My fellow weirdos, I think all of us feel it today. Or perhaps we smell it in the air. Maybe some of you lucky ones are even picking up ESP signals from your toasters. Yes my friends, the malaise that hangs above us is unseen and all-threatening and very, very real. They are here. They could be anyone, anywhere. No need to panic, just walk calmly towards the exits, single-file, no pushing or shoving. Keep your eyes peeled and your minds open. Be paranoid. Be very paranoid. Let me know what you find and we’ll get right on it. Til then, I’m locking the trailer door. And I’m not letting ANY ALIENS in! --Crazy Eddie Subject: Connection between Roswell, alien autopsy stuff, and Sexual Contact case? Eds(Do you mind if I call you Eds?), Is it possible that elements of Roswell are part of this alien smokescreen plot? If so, I wonder where they got all the "metal ship fragments"? Also, remember that "alien autopsy" show they did a while back? Could that be another layer on the onion, too? Or Area 51? Which are smokescreens and which are not? Heck of a conversation starter, innit? --MoonMan Dear MoonMan, No, I don’t mind if you call me Eds. My mother called me Eds. In reference to your e-mail -- that’s a helluva deduction, my friend, and my bet is you’re right on the money. Why all the hoopla about some cactus convention in the desert? Damn straight it’s an alien smokescreen. They’re covering up what’s really going on. They’re master illusionists – they wave one hand over here at Roswell and with the other hand go for the throat of our planet. That’s their M.O., dig? Check out my recent Paranoid Times insightful article about the alien misinformation (or is it disinformation? I can never remember which) campaign that Foster took down. We figure that’s merely the tip of the iceberg. The alien autopsy show was hilarious comedy, but far from the truth. I can tell from your letter you get the idea. While we can barely get to the planet Mars, aliens have come a long way -- you think they’d get all the way here and crash? You know the answer to that, don’t you? --Eds Subject: The first mind-sphere: Starting the fall of dominoes Eddie, While I can see how dropping spheres containing alien minds could be more efficient than a bulky old spaceship, there's one thing I don't get. Simply, would they not have at least one alien in a ship land on Earth before the spheres came? This would be done to insure that the spheres arrived on Earth safely. No technology is foolproof and I can think of many mishaps: 1. No one picks up a sphere, or they land in an area inaccessible to humans. 2. They are damaged upon landing by extreme impact. 3. The trajectory calculations are wrong and they land in the Sun or something(Heh. Wishful thinking). Speaking hypothetically, if I were an alien commander(Or whatever), I would do this to make sure that the plan for invasion got started. Y'know, so that the first of many dominoes fell. (BTW, I'm not an alien commander(Or whatever), nor do I play one on TV. I was just using that point-of-view to play devil's advocate. "Know thine enemy", eh?) --MoonMan Dear MoonMan, You’re awfully inquisitive this week, but because it’s a good question, I’ll try to answer it. Foster and I have speculated a long time on how the aliens first arrived here. Our guess: we have no idea how they got here. Perhaps at some point we’ll find out more. Maybe it was a ship, or maybe it was some outlandish alien transportation device that makes a rocketship look like a ride on a snail’s back. Unfortunately, we just haven’t found any clues that tips us on that one. Nevertheless, we still gotta stick with the program – they are here and we gotta stop them. What can I say, it’s a living… --Crazy Ed Subject: The New World Order: described in Frank Peretti Novel. Crazy Eddie, Given your response to Alphie, are you aware that The New World Order was written about in the novel entitled "This Present Darkness" by Frank Peretti? Have you read that one? In that book, the origin of the New World Order is not an alien race, but rather satanic in origin. Any comments on that? There is another novel entitled "The Illuminati", but I haven't read it. Have you? Any comments on its content? I love your newspaper. It makes watching First Wave even more interesting! LShel, First Wave observer LShel buddy, Check out your publishing dates – the Trilogy came first. Robert Anton Wilson is the man I’d put my dough on. Peretti’s book appropriated the Illuminati to explore a more theological conflict of global and even heavenly proportions. It’s interesting stuff and exciting writing but ultimately doesn’t hold water for me as far as "what’s really going on around here." Besides, nowhere have I said that the Illuminati are aliens. I haven’t the foggiest who the heck these dudes are at all. I guess it remains to be seen… The other book you mention, "The Illuminati", is also of the same ilk as the Peretti book. It’s very theologically based material exploring the battle between good and evil on an epic scale. But listen, the most important question here is, what do you believe? I’m glad you dig the paper. Tell others about it. Keep fighting the good fight, my friend. Eddie N. Subject: Don't Look Now Eddie, I have some important information I need to give you on the alien movement. At first I was going to write you a letter cause I hate these computers, but then I realized they could track me by following the postal serves back here and using those surveillance cameras to spot me. I had to burn the letter. So here I am at the library in a town 20 miles from where I used to live wearing someone else's clothes and a wig. And I don't look to bad in them. Oh, what was I going to tell you? Right, Lassie, a girl with more between her back legs than hair, has had puppies, and is at least 60 years old. They are trying to subvert our children and our pets. What can I do to stop them? On the Move Dear On the Move, Baby, what are they putting in your water? Tell me what town you’re from and I’ll be sure to avoid it at all costs. WOW. I thought I was paranoid. You’re ready for the tin foil hat. Try it -- it makes you invisible. Now, let me get this straight, you’re wearing someone else’s wig? Interesting. My advice: if it’s a good look for you, stick with it. But let me get to the point: I didn’t find a quatrain about Lassie or puppies. My best guess is that they’ve changed the dog several times. What can I say? That’s Hollywood, baby. BTW, the foil can also go under the wig. I hope you feel better. (they call me?) Crazy Eddie Subject: alien dentists????!!!! Dear Eddie, This may sound crazy, but here goes. I manage a dental practice that goes back three generations, a grandfather, Forrest, a son, Robert and a grandson, Todd. I have noticed that about every 5th patient that comes out of an operatory is, should I say, SPACEY. They always pay before they leave the office and do not seem to mind the discomfort. They only complain about the office being to WARM. Am I being suspicious for no reason or should I be worried. Do aliens breed certain kindd of professions? Could they be implanting these people with some kind of tracking devise for thier own evil use? Help! Victoria, the office manager Dear Victoria, I don’t know who’s hitting the nitrous – them or you. Just kidding. You should be very worried as any keen paranoid mind would be. It’s a well known fact that people have had transmitters and lo-jaks implanted in fillings and braces for years. You’re onto something here. Keep a cool head and find your own dentist. The aliens have infiltrated many many professions. Maybe they’ve gotten to you. Cautiously, Eddie |
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