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 The Countdown Continues.(6/25/99) Keep up the fight and we appreciate the continued support. But clearly the aliens are counting the days to the second wave. Foster and I are peeling back the layers of this alien conspiracy and need your continued help in exposing these extra-terrestrial freaks. Stay tuned to “The Paranoid Times” for continued updates and answered e-mails. Knowledge is power, so any and all tips on perceived alien activity will aid in bringing the Gua down. Be paranoid and keep the eyes on the back of your head open at all times. They could be coming for you! From: NeiceeXF To: crazyeddie@scifi.com Subject: A is for Alien Hey CE! Gotta couple of questions. 1. How come the aliens are never seen eating or drinking? 2. Is the aliens disintegrating breaking down the atmosphere causing an even greater hole in the ozone? 3. Have you ever held a "normal" full time job? 4. What did you want to be when you grew up? - and last but not least - 5. How did you earn the nickname Crazy Eddie? Much thanks! Nei Dear Nei, It is my honor to answer your insightful and provocative questions. I’ll do my best. 1) we haven’t seen any of the aliens eating or drinking yet, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t need some kind of food to survive. In fact, I would theorize that since their bodies are human clones with some kind of alien DNA enhancement, their bodies need the same nutritional needs as we do. 2) Good question, and I have no idea. We don’t usually stick around to analyze air samples after one of these aliens goes up in a puff of smoke, dig? The way I see it, it’s about the lesser of two evils: if we don’t take these aliens out, the ozone layer is gonna be the last thing you got to worry about… 3) Ooo, now the questions get personal. With due respect, I’m not the most open guy about my past. I’ve seen a lot in my years, dude. A lot of pain, hardship, and foot odor. Yes, that’s right. I once sold shoes, okay? Normal life is for the birds. I’d take the smell in my trailer over that job odor any day… 4) When I grew up, I wanted to be Agent 86, Maxwell Smart, working for Control. Don Adams was a genius thespian. What nuance! 5) Crazy Eddie is a name I took when I had a bit of a, ahem, breakdown. But breakdown is really the wrong word. I prefer “enlightenment.” I finally saw the world for what it really was – a complex web of mystery and conspiracy – my eyes were opened. But I had to lose my marbles a little bit first. Hallelujah. Thanks for the note! Write again soon. Crazy Eddie From: jns To: crazyeddie@scifi.com Subject: TEACHERS ALIENS? Dear Eddie and Cade ( does he read these too?), I got a paranoid thought -- teachers are aliens. Think about it, it would be the smartest thing. Get our young minds under control so we don't fight the invasion - just the other day a teacher said "maybe aliens aren't bad, just misunderstood!" Help, we’re infested down here! Either we got aliens or alien sympathizers. Either way they need to be crushed cuz we humans aren't gonna take it! p.s tell Cade I'm sorry about his wife Hannah and I'd send flowers but he's always on the move and I don't trust the postal services anyway. It's the thought that counts, right? love you babe, erin, j.n.s Dear Erin JNS, Thanks for the letter, baby. Quite a paranoid thought... Not a bad theory either, but don’t confuse the issue. Paranoia is a double edged sword. You have to careful whose hand you play into. Wouldn’t it be just the thing for aliens to sow seeds of mistrust between teacher and student and create young minds that refuse to learn? Not to play mind games, but you gotta keep the bigger goal in sight: build your mind for the future fight. Every encounter with the aliens means a lot of research, reading, digging, investigating, and plain old hard thinking to figure out what these freaks are doing. The battle is waged in the mind. These Gua think they can outsmart us. I say they got another thing coming! Babe, if your teachers are aliens, get the proof and report to me. If not, keep exercising your brain. Remember, teachers are weird cuz they’re hanging around teenagers all day. It’s enough to drive anyone, including most teenagers, crazier than I am. Keep up the fight and build you mind for the future showdown. We’re all in this together. Eddie Nambulous – the brains of the operation P.S. – thanks for mentioning the flowers for Hannah. It is the thought. Foster was touched, but then he saw that “brains of the operation” thing I wrote and got pissed. From: BLUCOLA To: crazyeddie@scifi.com Subject: Why do fools fall in love? Really Eddie... Why do fools fall in love? So far I've seen several young men fall for these alien harridans, only to die ugly painful deaths. It makes a girl think, what the hell is wrong with these guys? Is Cade the only sane man (I'm thinking...) on the planet? Dear Blucola- Right you are, my dear. Why do fools fall in love? The classic rhetorical question that we could debate for eternity. Humanity definitely isn’t making a lot of progress on putting wisdom before the heart. The aliens have certainly picked up on this, too. Hot babe-alicious aliens may be the downfall of the Earth. What can we do? I dunno. What the hell’s wrong with these guys? I’d say they’re just human… The battle’s going to be a tough one, that’s for damn sure. Edward (more sane than Cade) Nambulous From: Tonya To: crazyeddie@scifi.com Subject: Re: There out there.... Dear Eddie, Hi! My name is Tonya. I am 19 years old and have started to follow your website. I really like how you work the computers and find aliens. Do you really think there are aliens out there? Do you think that there is extra-terrestrial life out there beyond our solar system? How long do you think our planet will last against the coming destruction? Do you really think that you will meet a different race other than our own? What do you think they'll look like? Will they be intelligent? Please write back soon, would love to hear from you. Your Fan, Tonya The Truth is out There..... Dear Tonya, Sweetie, the truth ain’t out there. It’s right HERE, in our own backyard. The aliens have landed and infiltrated, blending in and testing us, setting us up to be conquered. These aliens are real! From what Foster just learned in his encounter with the alien known as Joshua, these aliens – or Gua, as they’re known – are from another planet in another galaxy entirely! They are intelligent beings with a thirst for kicking our butts! How long we last against these other-worldly freaks is up to you and me. Keep your eyes open, stay paranoid, follow The Paranoid Times, and stay strong. The computer is our key to beating the aliens, using our minds will open the door to victory. Stay with us through the thick and thin and we can save this beautiful blue-green rock. Talk to you later! Stay strong! Crazy Eddie |
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