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 I'm Cute! She Says I'm Cute!(8/27/00) From: dlmullin To: crazyeddie@scifi.com Subject: You Hey Crazy Eddie, My names Sarah and I have always wanted to know more about aliens. My friends think I’m nuts for thinking they’re really out there. I’m trying to make believers out of everyone I know. I was wondering if I could be of any help gathering info on the Gua and if you could tell me where I can learn more about them? Let me know, Sarah M. P.S. I think you’re cute. Sarah, Hey, baby? How YOU doin’? Maybe when this fight is over and those aliens are finally gone for good you and I could get a coupla mocha-cino-double-grande-non-fat-chia-lattes and watch a sunset or somethin’? But seriously, Sarah, or maybe I am being serious? About the date I mean. Not the coffee, I’ve turned to Jolt honestly. Which is why I’m rambling … FOCUS! Okay, so yes the aliens are here. I mean, they’re more than out there in the grand scheme of out-there, they’re actually right outside our doors. Hiding in our schools, shopping in our malls, making copies at the local copy-mat. So, it’s a good thing that you’re willing to rally the believers – cause we need ‘em bad. And truth be told, I think Foster would really like to know there are more of you out there. He keeps putting himself on the line, fighting the good fight but he does need all of our help. So keep spreading the word, make other people think they’re the crazy ones for NOT believing, and let us know when you see anything suspicious here. If you keep reading the Paranoid Times you’re gonna learn more about the Gua for sure. We’re the very best source of anything and everything evil-alien. So gather all the info you can and get it to us. Who knows, maybe some day we’ll all meet on the frontlines … but then again, I’d rather meet you for a smooch. I’m sure you’re cute too and I sure as heck can take a compliment. Thanks for making my day. Ciao Bella, Edwardo From: kay482 To: crazyeddie@scifi.com Subject: Ed, U OK Man? YO Eddie!! Are you and Foster okay? There's been nothin’ new on you guys lately, I just wanna make sure that none of those alien or FBI bastards caught up with ya'll (I'm almost positive they haven't). Hope to hear from you soon!! Your Paranoid Follower, Kay Kay-O, Thanks for your concern, but Foster and I are absolutely alive and kickin’ Gua teeth all over the world. Have a little faith, the Nambulator and Senor Twice Bless’d ain’t about to let some pesky Feds or nasty-faced aliens with a bully ‘tude take us down. But between dissolving Gua and avoiding the authorities I’m still eeking out some articles and letters to you all … sometimes it just takes me a while to post. So catch up while you can and keep on sending those tips and well wishes cause they’re what keeps us going and building up our confidence. We need to hear from you guys as much as possible or the Second Wave will get here faster! Your Paranoid Leader, EN From: DUNNJM To: crazyeddie@scifi.com Dear Eddie, I was just thinking, you know how if two nations are fighting each other and a common enemy shows up and starts to battle them both, well, lots of time the fighting nations join forces and then unite against the common enemy. Well I was wondering if a new enemy showed up, one more powerful than the Gua, would the Gua have the sense to join with us to fight them? What do you think? Borderline BL, Call me crazy (as I insist you do) but I sure as heck don’t see an alliance between the Gua and humanity any time in the near future. Yeah, I agree, there’s definitely the likelihood that two smaller armies are gonna try and combine their might, but Team Foster is just about as little an army as we could have right now, and who knows how many Gua are out there looking to take over our Sizzler Salad Bars!? What sounds good to me BL, is the notion that some other force somewhere could come around and join up with us against the aliens. Yeah, I’m not above taking out an add and soliciting for some big help from above … as long as they’re on our side. Just ‘cause the Gua are all conquering and nasty I ain’t about to write off all sentient life in the universe. Here’s hoping there are lots of other more friendly races out there. I guess we’re lucky enough we’ve got a few Gua on our side right now. Not that we couldn’t use more. One or two aliens may go against the grain once in a while, your Joshua’s, and that cop we met in Normal, but otherwise they seem pretty determined to screw us up – so no, I doubt they’re ever gonna get on our side. Wishful thinking Mr. Run-For-The-Border. But I think our future depends on just us – you, me, Foster and the rest. E From: a_leira To: crazyeddie@scifi.com Hey Eddie!! How are things going in the battle as of now? Good I hope, 'cause if not we're all screwed! Anyway, I had a stroke of paranoia and came up with a question for ya. How do you know that some (or all) of the people who email you aren't aliens? Since you can't give them the salt or "temper-test." I'd like to think the posters are all human, but those aliens are crafty guys. So watch your back (though I'm sure you’re already doing that). I just wanted to say good luck on the battle front and say hi to Cade for me. By the way, paranoid or not, you still have a hell of a humor bug going for ya. : ) See ya on the other side of victory! Good Hunting!! Leira Leira, The aliens are welcome to e-mail me at the site, but trust me Leira, they ain’t never gonna catch me here. If ever there were a cyber-guy, it’s Crazy Eddie Nambulous, and no techo-savvy Gua can crack my encryption codes. Foster and I don’t spill any vital info here before it’s been used to take down an experiment, so there’s really no danger in the aliens logging on to the PT site. But your letter is exactly the kind I smile to read – even if it’s just for a clever turn-of-phrase like the "temper-test." I know you must be referring to the Gua’s signature "flash" before they go postal. Very cool. And as for the props for my humor, thanks so very much. Sometimes I think people are laughin’ at me rather than with me, just so long as they’re laughin’. I think that’s cool. So thanks for the support, kind Leira. We need it! Your optimism is inspiring. To you as well, can’t wait to meet up on "the other side of victory!" Best, C.E. NAMBULOUS |
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