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 Kickin' Tuchas And Eatin' Pork Rinds .(10/15/99) My enlightened and paranoid friends, welcome. Please excuse my severe case of cyber-backlogging that presently prevents me from answering all of your q’s and queries. Gimme a break! You try slaughtering aliens, writing the Paranoid Times and maintaining a rigid routine of diet and exercise. Okay, so surfing the web while munching pork rinds might not qualify as ideal health maintenance but the first two are tough enough. Seriously, my fellow paranoidsters, your encouraging notes and thoughts are always appreciated, so please keep ‘em coming. We need to know there are believers out there. I’ll continue to do my best to get you the answers you so righteously deserve even as I’m kicking some serious alien tuchas! I’m still fighting the good fight with healthy doses of SWEET-paranoia… From: AahzofA2 To: crazyeddie@scifi.com Subject: First Wave Eddie, How could Joshua have witnessed Hannah's Death? He was not activated until After Cade traded his orb to save you life in the husk factory. Be Paranoid, Aahz Dear Aah-Ah-Ah-Hah! Interesting question, fellow paranoid. Your instincts serve you well. Makes you wonder if Joshua wasn’t trying to manipulate Foster with yet another patented-Gua mind game? And when it comes to a man’s wife – well, that’s just wrong. Here’s how I see it: if in fact Joshua was there when the real Hannah was murdered, then the alien-consciousness we all know as Joshua was in another human husk at the time. That’s my best guess. As you know, Foster and Joshua had some time to bond a few months ago in the Oregon woods. In the deluded-ecstasy of a gua-salt-high, Joshua revealed that he had been here for decades, though not with the mug Foster and I recognize him with. My best guess, sadly – the cop Ludlow was telling the truth. Joshua was there when Hannah was killed and he didn’t save her. Foster isn’t so sure. Gets ya thinking about how slippery these face-swappers can be, huh? Cloning gives them another edge we wish they didn’t have. Trust no one, be paranoid. Keep fighting the fight. -- Crazy Eddie From: Chris Biagi <Zathras_10> To: crazyeddie@scifi.com If there are aliens here, then we can only assume that there arehumans working for them in a vain attempt to save their own pathetic skin. Is there not a call for their unmasking also? As for Joshua, what seems to be his calling? Where lies his cause? Is there truth in his words? Dear Z, Gua-sympathizers. Sick, but probably a fact of life. History has shown us that we’ll do anything but stick together. And that’s exactly the kind of "human" quality that Foster and I are trying to get everyone to overcome. "Paranoid Times" readers get it and live it. We’ll only have strength once we’ve pitched all our designer baggage and unite to root out the nastiest of our own. It’s us against them and unless we want to lose this blue-green rock we currently spiral through the cosmos on we’d better figure that fact out get square on where we stand. We gotta fight for what’s right, right?. As for Joshua, he’s nothing if not an enigma. We can’t ignore his help in the past. I think Joshua has got some big hang-ups about what’s going on in this war. As far as I’m concerned – aliens are the enemy, pure and simple. If Joshua wants to help us out here and there, fine with me. But I’m not ready to hang up the paranoid six-guns. Joshua knows who his people are. I wanna know Z, is do we? -- Crazy Eddie  From: David <iwo> To: crazyeddie@scifi.com Subject: Nostradamus Hey Eddie! Just a thought on the book. Anyone can interpret those quatrains any way they want to. Nostradamus wrote them in quatrains because he could have been executed for trying to tell the future. He would have burned at the stake for heresy. So how do we know that the ‘three waves’ of the invasion really mean that at all? Dear Iwo, The trick to the nifty art-of-interpretation is coming up with the correct end-result. Foster and I have scored time and again with our readings on Nostradamus’ quatrains, so I guess that means we’re right – THEY’RE HERE! As for the way the Big-N wrote his wacky prophecies, well that suits me just fine. As you pointed out, if he hadn’t been crafty about his predictions he wouldn’t have been able to make any at all. Then consider what kind of major crap we’d be in. Not pretty at all. Three waves! How much more proof do you need that the first wave is already here? The aliens are getting ready to take us down and on that day it’ll be an all out war. Paranoid or not, sounds like Armaggedon to me. It’s too late to be doubting the veracity of the facts now if you’re reading these here "Times." But never fear, my super-paranoid friend, Foster and I are doing our best to make sure we never get there. --Crazy Eddie From: Dreamit812 To: crazyeddie@scifi.com Subject: Hey Crazy! Hey Crazy, I had a few questions that I hoped that you could answer for me. 1) I was wondering if you knew how many Gua there are on our planet? 2) How many friends does Cade have and how many of them can he trust? 3) What is Cade going to do now that he has killed the alien that killed his wife? I hope that he will stay and fight, he is the one that will save us all from the terror of the Gua. Cade has the power to overcome and he has the help of all who truly believe. Also I was thinking that you guys try to hack into the Gua’s computer data system so that you will have an advantage over the Gua and you will always know where to strike. You have a believer here. Sam O'Brien. Dear Sam, I’ll pass your faith along to Foster – he needs it. And I’m with you, Cade’s got what it takes to lead us to a solid win. So thanks and thanks again. Now, on to your questions. 1) As far as how many Gua there are on our planet, unfortunately your guess is as good as mine, buddy. Put it this way, we know it’s a few dozen less than when Foster and I first started whacking them on a regular basis! But seriously, we don’t know how many there are here. They could be anyone and anywhere. Stay paranoid, because their forces are growing… 2) Foster’s got friends. Count me as one. You as two, and then check out his journals and all these other e-mails as proof of the rest. We’re growing too. 3) It helps Cade to have finally turned Hannah’s murderer to smoke but he won’t really feel she’s been avenged until the Gua have packed their bags and headed back to the hell they came from. Share the moment with me, my fellow believer. Makes me feel all warm and cuddly. Keep believing, Sam. If we stick together, some day the nightmare will come to an end. -- Crazy Eddie Out From: Swingcling To: crazyeddie@scifi.com Hello Eddie, I don't think you're so crazy. I have a few questions. Are there any quatrains that would allude to a government or army under Gua control? How can we the believers help to stop the Gua? Aren't there multiple copies of Nostradamus' quatrains? Are there any tests that we the believers can use to reveal the aliens? Is the salt by any chance laced with something? Dear Swingcling, Make no mistake, I am crazy and damn proud of it -- so no need to qualify. Crazy is only a state of mind. To tell you the truth, in this nutty world I’d say being crazy keeps me sane…and alive. Anywho, on to your issues. Quatrains are about matching an element of reality with the riddle of Nostradamus’ words. No easy task. Haven’t yet come across any that point to an earth-based army under Gua control and truthfully, I hope I never do – but it sure as heck makes sense. If the Gua want to take us down, they’re gonna try to cripple our best methods of resistance. Seems like a good one to watch for. I’ll start the hunt. Foster and I have the one-and-only copy of this specific, ancient Nostradamus text and believe me, we guard it with every ounce of frantic, energy we have (which is why we buried it, dig?). It’s the only thing that keeps us that fraction of a step ahead of our alien invaders. Recently, we’ve taken extreme steps to safeguard our bible … but the details of that insurance policy must remain solely between me and Mr. Twice-Blessed. Aliens heal awful quick, dude. If you can get close enough to do a little-slice-and-dice you might be surprised to see them sew back up without the help of any needle or over-priced MD. And hell! If you’re that close just do humanity a favor and take the sludge out altogether (but hold your breath, aliens stink when they go poof!) Sounds whacked? What isn’t. We’re lucky to know this much. And we owe it all to Cade. Keep questioning my faithful paranoidster. -- The Craziest, Eddie |
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