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Hi Dude-Eddie! My name is Rachel. But I'm soooooo random and weird everyone calls me Random Rach. Laugh! I don't mind ... I mean what's a girl to do when she’s got nothing to contribute to the conversations but to change it!? LoL. (8/27/00) I'm Cute! She Says I'm Cute! My names Sarah and I have always wanted to know more about aliens. My friends think I’m nuts for thinking they’re really out there. I’m trying to make believers out of everyone I know. I was wondering if I could be of any help gathering info on the Gua and if you could tell me where I can learn more about them? (7/30/00) Paranoid Times & Tunes. People, the world's going insane. They tell us that the crime level has been steadily dropping except for in a few major cities -- namely Los Angeles, Dallas, New York City, etc. The crime level is dropping!? Well hip hop horray, hogwash. (h words are fun, I can't help it!) What about all these violent children? Were there gun-toting fifth graders a few years back? Well, maybe there were, but not as many as there are now. (7/16/00) Email Eddie. Things can get pretty lonely here in the caravan of techno-junk. Thank God I have you guys to keep my brain warm. (06/18/00) Gotta Support The Team. After much deliberation (the length of time it took me to shotgun a Jolt cola) I've decided that you guys are really starting to come around... believing in Cade and I and supporting the team. Oh sure, I still sense the sarcasm from time to time, but I grin & bear it knowing that behind the tongue in your cheek is someone ready to accept the truth. (06/11/00) When In Doubt, Ask Eddie. Sorry for the email hiatus fellow dudes & dudettes... Eddie is here to be your digital shoulder to cry on and your emissary to alien information and speculation. (04/23/00) Recruiting For The Cause I'm happy to report, fellow freedom fighters, that we're getting a lot of new recruits to the cause. An increasing number of first-time e-mailers are looking for advice on how to kick some Gua butt. (04/09/00) Back Online. That's right you wacky pack, Eddie's Back! Sorry for the delay in replying to you all... sometimes there's just not enough hours in the day. (12/03/99) Welcome To Paranoia 101. Welcome to Paranoia 101, class. Please open your books and don’t believe a word of what they say. That’s the first rule of paranoia – someone is always trying to pull one over on you. (11/12/99) It Was A Dark And Stormy Night. It was a dark and stormy night. The ever-paranoid genius Crazy Eddie (that’s me) sat immobile in my airstream trailer. Though the door was locked, I was lost in the throes of an utter all-consuming fear. I dared not move a muscle lest I give away my presence in the armored RV. You see my friends, there were aliens about, I was sure of it. (11/05/99) Building A Bigger Mousetrap. Reader Stefan (ISSAquarius) has spread mousetraps about his house to let him know when the Gua are coming to get him. A sound idea, but I think it will take more than a bruised big toe to stop an alien. (10/29/99) Stop Me Before I Get All Mushy. Just thought I should let you know that Foster and I are doing some deep cover investigating, lead tracking, clue digging, and <gulp> we might take a couple days off. But the mailbag is still very active, and I won’t stop answering your queries about the Gua. (10/15/99) Kickin' Tuchas And Eatin' Pork Rinds. I'm trying to catch up on this email overflow from believers like Swingcling, Zathras and others. I have to say... I continue to be impressed with the support & tips I get every day... even if they are peppered with sly backhanded complements from time to time. (10/1/99) Shotgun Your Coffee And Lock Your Doors. Keep those cards and letters coming... yeah right, I haven't used snail mail in 5 years. But emails, yeah we got emails. The best of the week... reader Brad Walters offers his theory on the spontaneous disintegration of the dead alien husks. (9/17/99) The Smell Of Paranoia In The Morning. This week... it's complements galore from Tigger & QRWar, and JGonz makes fighting aliens so easy maybe he should take over. (8/20/99) Of Heebeegeebees, Goosebumps & The Chills. This week, Jake accuses me of being an alien, Melody tries to rub salt in my wounds and once again Moondog poses an interesting hypothesis. (8/6/99) Your Paranoia Will Keep You Alive. This week, my man Moondog tickles my brain, Cigany tries to sell me a new pair of shoes, and between Dana and Janice I answer 10 questions that everyone should know the answer to. (7/23/99) A Letter From The Cul-De-Sac. Okay, folks! Dare I say "The Paranoid Times" is catching on? Dare I say the eyes and ears of humanity’s paranoidsters are wide open? I dare! Foster is on his way to Clarksburg, Missouri, after we got an interesting letter from a boy named Nick. (7/16/99) A Storm Is Brewing on the Paranoid Front. The storm is brewing on the paranoid front. We have been accessed, evaluated, and warned, my friends. I got an anonymous e-mail from, I strongly believe, an alien. (6/25/99) The Countdown Continues. Keep up the fight and we appreciate the continued support. But clearly the aliens are counting the days to the second wave. Foster and I are peeling back the layers of this alien conspiracy and need your continued help in exposing these extra-terrestrial freaks. (6/11/99) These Paranoid Times. People of these Paranoid Times! My deepest gratitude for your keen suspicious minds watching for all manner of unusual occurences. I’m trying as fast as I can to cross reference some of the tips coming in with quatrains about the invasion. (5/28/99) TPT is on the rise. That’s right. The news is getting out there and the word is trickling in. It’s a groundswell that’ll crack this whole alien cabal wide open. From the letters I’ve gotten so far, people are taking notice. (5/14/99) This is a two man team. This past week has been pathetic! Cade and I are out here every day, up to our butts in aliens, trying to spread the word and expose the aliens for what and who they really are; and instead of keeping me posted of goings-on in your area you're sending me email to tell me how hot Cade is! (4/23/99) My Fellow Weirdos. I think all of us feel it today. Or perhaps we smell it in the air. Maybe some of you lucky ones are even picking up ESP signals from your toasters. Yes my friends, the malaise that hangs above us is unseen and all-threatening and very, very real. They are here. (4/9/99) What the heck is an "Illuminati?" Welcome fellow alien hunters! You have now entered the direct connection to the Paranoid Times. The way for you to contact Foster and me and alert us to any unusual or suspicious alien activity in your neck o’ the woods. (3/26/99) I'm Not Paranoid. Okay, Maybe I'm a Little Paranoid Can you handle it? Look around and look hard. THE ALIENS ARE HERE. Living and working right under our noses. They’re putting the whammy on our minds and the cages around our souls. They want you! |
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