Move over, Lara Croft

Relic Hunter Starring Tia Carrere, Christien Anholt Fireworks Entertainment Inc. Syndicated Premieres the week of Sept. 20

fter a secluded education at Oxford, Nigel Bailey (Anholt) is quite pleased when he lands a teaching position at an American university. He's looking forward to continuing his teaching education under the guidance of history professor Sydney Fox (Carrere). That is, until he meets the unorthodox professor.

Sydney has an encyclopedic knowledge of ancient civilizations, a knack for finding lost treasure and a mastery of martial arts. Luckily for her, she doesn't have to hang around to do much teaching.

Before Nigel knows what hit him, he's off on one of Sydney's adventures. It seems men from a village in Nepal where the Buddha died hope Sydney will find the four-thousand-year-old alms bowl of Siddhartha so they can give it a proper final resting place. Using an ancient map for guidance, Sydney leaps into action, dragging Nigel along with her. The first relic they must seek is a golden koi, which Sydney believes will lead them to the ancient alms bowl.

The dynamic duo's first stop is a gambling den in Nepal. Sydney misses putting her hands on the koi by seconds, because a man named Stewie Harper (Tony Rosato) is one step ahead of her. However, Sydney and Nigel's encounter gets them into hot water, and Sydney pulls no punches to get herself out of the situation, with Nigel stumbling after her all the way. It turns out Sydney has gone up against Stewie before. This time he works for a Japanese businessman who believes the alms bowl will bring him all the financial riches he needs.

Sydney and Nigel eventually catch Stewie and manage to get the koi, which enables them to piece together the clues they need to find the alms bowl. However, Stewie isn't far behind. But as the two adventurers get closer to the bowl, Stewie may be the least of their problems.

A kick-butt female action hero

This weekly adventure series from Fireworks Entertainment Inc. (Le Femme Nikita) tries to combine Indiana Jones with Tomb Raider star Lara Croft, mixing elements of both to create a kick-butt female action hero in the mold of Xena. However, the series doesn't quite succeed despite its appealing cast. The beautiful Carrere is a strong presence on-screen and she helps keep the focus off the plot, which can only benefit the show at this stage of the game.

Relic Hunter's biggest problem is its weak opening episode. The first installment of this series is poorly written, and it seems as if the producers were afraid to stop the action for even a moment. While the characters will undoubtedly be developed more as time goes by, it would have been nice to learn a bit more about Sydney before seeing her thrown into a stale retread of Indiana Jones as her first adventure.

Another problem is the occasionally murky camera work. There is more than one revelation that's impossible to see, leaving viewers clueless about what was being shown or why it was important.

These problems aside, Relic Hunter has potential, along with at least one unique element: Each installment will open with a scene about the origin of that episode's relic. Then the action will cut to the present as Sydney is talked into going on yet another exciting adventure that requires her and Nigel to travel to an exotic location. The adventures will include searches for ancient relics as well as more modern treasures, such as the lost glove of a 1946 baseball legend or Al Capone's bunker.

The truth is that Relic Hunter doesn't actually have to make a lot of sense. It should be fun and even silly. However, unless the show's creators can breathe some life into an old formula, the series may not make it to a second season. -- Kat

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What was good in life becomes evil in the beyond

Stir of Echoes Rated R Starring Kevin Bacon, Kathryn Erbe, Illeana Douglas Directed by David Koepp Written by Richard Matheson, David Koepp 110 Minutes

om Witzky (Bacon) bridles a little at how ordinary his life has become. He has his job as a telephone lineman, his house in a working-class Chicago neighborhood, a wife, a toddler and another baby on the way. He may not always say the right thing, but he's a good man who is experiencing some apprehension over his passage into adulthood. His sister-in-law Lisa (Illeana Douglas), a hypnotherapist in training, thinks he could be more open-minded, especially when it comes to hypnotism. So at a party, when Tom challenges her to hypnotize him, she does so, against her better judgment. Tom goes under like a shot--he's extremely susceptible--and Lisa takes the opportunity to plant a post-hypnotic suggestion in his brain: be more open-minded. She doesn't think it will work.

She couldn't be more wrong.

Immediately Tom is haunted by visions: flashes of violence and horror, future events, and worst of all, a teenage girl imploring him to do something, but he can't make out what she's saying. His son, Jake, says, "Daddy you're awake now!" and "Don't be afraid of it." The little boy is always chattering to imaginary friends--but could they be real? Apparently the boy is a powerful conduit for the forces that Tom is beginning to glimpse, but he can't help his father combat his personal demons. Maggie (Kathryn Erbe), Tom's wife, is excluded from their strange world and watches helplessly as her husband crumbles toward insanity. But it's she who learns that Tom is not unique, that there are others who have "the eye" and who are similarly haunted. If there really is a ghost, she learns, it wants Tom to do something, and it won't rest, becoming angrier and more dangerous until he fulfills its need.

Frightening but touching

After this summer's amazing The Sixth Sense, moviegoers might wonder how another kid-sees-ghosts film could possibly measure up. But hear this, Stir of Echoes is just as creepy and just as exciting, and it's worth seeing. Stir of Echoes complements The Sixth Sense without repeating it. Granted, the script isn't as clever, and the scares are more often the traditional jump-out-with-a-boo! type of startle. And there's a little gratuitous gore. But the film is based on a Richard Matheson novel, and his talent keeps the story tight and makes each character vivid. Every beat of the plot is driven by human emotion and need. Small mischiefs have snowballed into terrible secrets, and there's a sense that these events could happen anywhere. To anyone.

The film's gloomy little neighborhood comes to life with working moms and dads, hopeful teens and world-weary cops. It's refreshing to watch a story about regular people with regular jobs, people whose teeth aren't perfectly capped and whose hair isn't immaculately coiffed.

All the actors' performances have the same direct simplicity of the story, and Kevin Bacon's portrayal of a man pushed to his limits is especially good--edgy, but never over the top. Kathryn Erbe is sympathetic and brave as his wife, and Zachary David Cope (Jake) clearly graduated at the top of his class at Creepy Kid Academy.

Raw scares aside, the film's most innovative and unsettling moments come during the hypnosis scenes, when Lisa tells Tom to visualize that he's in a movie theater. A dark, quiet movie theater. It's a scene that forces the audience to intimately participate in his journey, and to wonder what horrors they may see the next time they close their eyes.

Stir of Echoes is a good story and a good scare. The kind of movie you wish you'd seen in the afternoon, not so close to bedtime. -- Brooks

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Talk about killing the messenger...

Stigmata Rated R Starring Patricia Arquette, Gabriel Byrne Directed by Rupert Wainwright Written by Tom Lazarus, Rick Ramage 102 Minutes

ather Andrew (Byrne), a Vatican investigator, is on the trail of what may be an actual miracle in a village in Brazil. The day an old priest died, a large statue of the Virgin Mary located in his church began to cry tears of blood. As Father studies the phenomenon, he cannot find anything that might disprove the miracle.

Upon his return to the Vatican, Father is told his investigation is closed. His superior, Cardinal Houseman (Jonathan Pryce), wants to hear nothing about the possibility of a miracle. Father is disturbed by the Cardinal's decision, but has no choice but to follow his directions.

Meanwhile, a young hairdresser in Pittsburgh, Pa., named Frankie Paige (Arquette) receives a rosary in the mail and strange things begin to happen to her. While taking a bath she suffers a vicious attack by an unseen force that leaves her bleeding from her wrists. The doctor believes the wounds must be self-inflicted, which confuses Frankie because she knows she didn't do it.

Frankie also begins to see visions and hear voices. While riding on the subway, she is violently whipped by an unseen force while a subway car full of people watch. The Vatican receives a tape of the event, and Father Kiernan is sent to investigate.

At first, when the father meets Frankie, he believes she may stigmatic--a true believer who suffers similar wounds to the ones that Christ received during his crucifixion. However, Frankie is not religious. Since the only people who have the stigmata are deeply religious, the father doesn't see how she could be among them. However, it doesn't take long before the good father witnesses one of Frankie's attacks and becomes a believer.

Soon Frankie is speaking in Italian and writing in the ancient language of Jesus. As Frankie suffers attack after attack, Father Kiernan believes she may be running out of time, and someone in the Vatican may not want the truth to get out.

Religious nonsense in a pretty package

Stigmata is a visually stunning film filled with good actors and plenty of action to move the story along. While some religious moviegoers may be absolutely horrified by what transpires through the course of the film, the mainstream audience will simply scratch their heads at the end wondering what the heck all this nonsense means.

At first look, Stigmata might seem like an update of The Exorcist, but it's not even close. Stigmata isn't about possession by a satanic force. Instead, it's about possession by the spirit of one who was once deeply religious and is now trying to expose what may be the final words of Jesus.

While this is an interesting idea, the filmmakers go to absolutely ridiculous lengths to tell their story. Giving a lot of detail would be to give away too much of the plot. However, in the end it's disturbing to think that a force of good would do so much damage. Beyond that, the bottom line for this film is simply that the words of Jesus are just not that astounding, and the end is a disappointment.

What makes this film seem better than it is are the powerful images and exquisite cinematography that seems to caress each shot. The film is so beautifully captured, it might seem easy to forgive Stigmata's fatal flaws. Also helping the movie is an excellent cast of actors, including Arquette and Byrne. Their characters seem real and vulnerable, and they add an extra layer to the film.

It's easy to watch a film like Stigmata and avoid thinking about what it all really means. It's a pretty film about an interesting subject with appealing characters. Some might think that should be enough. However, in the end, Stigmata takes too many shortcuts and liberties, and avoids dealing with real issues that could have made the film a powerful and provocative statement about religion. -- Kat

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Would you buy a used car from this man?

Breakfast of Champions Rated R Starring Bruce Willis, Albert Finney, Nick Nolte, Barbara Hershey, Glenne Headly Written and Directed by Alan Rudolph 110 Minutes

sk anyone: You can trust Dwayne Hoover (Willis). At least that's what the advertising says for Hoover's successful car dealership, just off the interstate in Midland City. But the truth is, Hoover's not sure what he himself trusts anymore.

His wife, Celia (Hershey), pops pills and sits mesmerized by the television all day. His son, George (Lukas Haas), prefers to go by the name "Bunny" and aspires to be a lounge singer. The EPA has some questions about toxic waste in the housing development Hoover owns. And his partner and sales manager, Harry LeSabre (Nolte), lives in fear that Hoover will discover his dark secret: He likes to dress up in women's lingerie.

So what keeps Hoover from pulling the trigger on the pistol he sticks in his mouth every morning? Is it his secretary and sometime mistress, Francine (Headly)? Is it the adulation of the city's residents, who regard him as the nicest guy in town? Or is it simply the fact that he gets interrupted every time he's about to eat that bullet?

No matter. Hoover soldiers on, tormented by the big question: "Who am I?" He tells Francine: "I've lost my way. I need to hear truths I haven't heard before."

These are the questions that failed science fiction writer Kilgore Trout (Finney) has all but given up on himself, until he gets an invitation to speak at the Midland City arts festival. He is inclined to reject the invitation, but thinks better of it. It's time he stood up to these provincials and told them the truth: He devoted his life to the search for truth and beauty, only to find "doodly squat."

So Trout hits the highway, walking and mumbling, tormented by visions of Paradise. Unbeknownst to him, his destiny will cross with Hoover's, even as Hoover continues to unravel. "Why me?" Trout asks no one in particular. Why indeed?

So it goes

Breakfast of Champions (in limited release in Los Angeles, Calif., New York, N.Y., and other cities) is based on the 1973 novel of the same name by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. It's reportedly a labor of love on the part of Willis, who put up his own money for the project, and Rudolph (Welcome to L.A., The Moderns), who supposedly toiled on the screenplay for 20 years. But Breakfast is unlikely to win much affection from audiences. The latest film adaptation of the prolific Vonnegut's works, it's full of the writer's quirks but has little of his wisdom or charm.

The script meanders episodically in a series of increasingly frenetic scenes, many playing far longer than necessary and marred by over-the-top acting by Willis and company. Nolte, especially, looks like he's going to have a stroke whenever his Harry LeSabre frets about his deep secret. There are too many characters, some of whom appear for a moment, then vanish.

The entire film is larger than life, but not in a good way. Rudolph, apparently aiming for satiric effect, instead turns his film into a grating, kitschy cartoon, complete with surreal inserts. Everyone in the film is nuts. And the subject of his satire--the banality of American consumerism, the hypocrisy of small-town suburban life, the breakdown of the family--may have been juicy targets in the early 1970s, but Rudolph seems to have little new or interesting to add, and chooses instead to thumb his nose at everything. The result is not remotely funny.

Finney, as the holy madman Trout and Vonnegut's stand-in, mumbles so many of his lines that the audience misses some of the piece's best humor. The rest of the impressive cast has little to do, particularly Hershey, who floats around in a negligee.

The film is so chaotic that entire story lines are dropped just as they're raised, and others simply run out of gas. At the end, the wisdom imparted by Trout is banality itself: "Until you're dead, it's all life." So it goes.

It's been said Kurt Vonnegut can't stand movies, praising only George Roy Hill's 1972 adaptation of his most famous book, Slaughterhouse-Five. Given examples like Breakfast, it's easy to understand why. -- P.L.

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