tuck inside on a rainy day with a narcoleptic babysitter, Conrad (Breslin) and Sally (Fanning) wish they had something fun to do. Little do they know their day is about to get a lot more interesting. From upstairs they hear a loud "bump!" (how that bump makes them jump) followed by the appearance of a 6-foot-tall talking cat who calls himself the Cat in the Hat (Myers).
Using a device called a "phunometer," the Cat diagnoses Sally as a "control freak" and Conrad as a "rule breaker." He spends the rest of the day showing them how to have "fun that is funny." He also introduces them to two acrobatic little friends that he calls Thing 1 and Thing 2, who have the unfortunate personality trait of doing the opposite of whatever you say. Instead of cleaning the house, the Things run around destroying everything in sight.
The Cat has only one rule. He tells Conrad that he is not to open the crate which previously housed the Things, as it contains a portal to his dimension. If the contents were to spill out into this world it would create "the mother of all messes." But Conrad's curiosity gets the best of him and he removes the crab-shaped lock, which crawls across the floor and attaches itself to the dog Nevins.
Just as the crate starts leaking, Nevins runs away with the lock on his collar. Sally and Conrad must catch the dog, retrieve the lock and clean up the mess before the party Joan is having that night for her germophobic boss (Hayes), who has vowed to fire her if the house isn't immaculately clean. Also in pursuit of the wayward pooch is their duplicitous neighbor Quinn (Baldwin), who hopes to convince Joan to marry him and send Conrad off to military school. The children set off with the cat in a vehicle called the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger (S.L.O.W. for short)—but will they reach Nevins in time to save the day?
This fun's not that funny
The Cat in the Hat is the first feature film directed by Oscar-nominated production designer Bo Welch, whose work as a designer includes Edward Scissorhands, Men in Black and Batman Returns. Unsurprisingly, the film is stylish and visually appealing, but the story is weak and devoid of any sort of narrative logic.
With three credited writers (and who knows how many uncredited ones), one would think that certain story points—like how and why the Cat appears when he does or why the children's pet fish starts talking but the dog doesn't—would be solved, but the audience is just supposed to accept them. Given that the original story was a mere 300 words long, the story had to be expanded somewhat, but unlike the last live-action Seuss adaptation, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (from the more adept Ron Howard), it has lost much of the charm of the original.
One glaring problem is the director's seeming inability to rein in the often off-color and adult humor of Myers, who comes off as merely annoying rather than endearing. For some reason, he has chosen to give the cat a New York accent, though he does run through a litany of his limited character voice repertoire throughout the film (including his often-quoted Austin Powers character Dr. Evil at one point). Myers is obviously trying to get another catch phrase started with the Cat's signature "Oh, yeah!" but it's doubtful that audiences will want to remember this character as fondly as his others.
The kind of bawdy bathroom humor that Myers so often resorts to is most appealing to adolescent boys, not quite the target audience for a film like this. Still, younger children may find some of the physical comedy entertaining, and bright color palette will keep them interested. There are a few funny moments here and there for parents and older audiences, but those with a lingering fondness for the source material will find it an unworthy adaptation.
