The sprawling, multi-state cast of Mars Attacks!

Washington D.C.

President James Dale (Jack Nicholson, Batman) -- A jovial incompetent led by his advisors and his image.

First Lady Marsha Dale (Glenn Close, 101 Dalmatians) -- Nancy Reagan as a blonde, in one of the film's more vicious and pointed parodies.

First Daughter Taffy Dale (Natalie Portman, child star of The Professional) -- Chelsea Clinton as eye-rolling, insult-cracking, terminally disgusted member of Generation X.

Professor Donald Kessler (Pierce Brosnan, Goldeneye) -- A smarmy, urbane scientist who insists the Martians must be peaceful, since "An advanced civilization is by definition not barbaric."

Press Secretary Jerry Ross (Martin Short, Father of the Bride) -- A sleazy manipulator who directs the President's every move when he isn't out trolling for prostitutes.

General Decker (Rod Steiger, In the Heat of the Night) -- A raving war fanatic who wants to kick Martian butt whether they turn out to be peaceful or not.

Louise Williams (Pam Grier, Escape From L.A.) -- One of the film's few good guys, as the divorced mother of two video-game-addicted twerps.

New York City

Jason Stone (Michael J. Fox, The Frighteners) -- An appearance-obsessed "serious" newsman for GNN who finds himself overshadowed by bimbo girlfriend Nathalie.

Nathalie Lake (Sarah Jessica Parker, Ed Wood) -- A moronic but wildly popular fashion-show hostess.

Las Vegas

Art Land (Jack Nicholson again) -- A slimy real-estate developer hoping to make a fortune on a new space-themed casino.

Barbara Land (Annette Bening, The American President) -- A spacy recovering alcoholic and crystal-waving New Ager delighted to hear that the Martians are coming to save Earth from itself.

Byron Williams (Hall of Fame running back Jim Brown) -- A stolid boxer divorced from Louise Williams of the D.C. segments for some unknown reason, since they seem to still be in love and on the best of terms.

"Rude Gambler" (Danny DeVito, Junior) -- They didn't even bother to give this minor character a name, much less a character beyond the mugging and screen-hogging that seems to characterize all of DeVito's work these days.

Singer Tom Jones as himself -- And not just in a cute cameo or walk-on, either. He actually gets to run around with a ray-gun and fly a plane and everything. This guy's got one heck of an agent.

Perkinsville, Kansas

Richie Norris (Lukas Haas, Everyone Says I Love You) -- Dumb, cute, ineffectual, put-upon, and generally tailor-made to appeal to the younger half of Generation X.

Grandma Norris (Sylvia Sidney, Beetlejuice -- Too sweet and cute to die, no matter how big the ray-guns are, but mostly comic relief.

ack to On Screen.