Look at what's falling on a TV near you

Asteroid Starring Annabella Sciorra, Michael Biehn NBC Miniseries Part 1, Feb. 16, 9-11 p.m. ET Part 2, Feb. 17, 9-11 p.m. ET

olorado astronomer Dr. Lily McKeen (Sciorra) has made a chilling discovery. The comet she's been studying has picked up some unwelcome visitors on its trip through the solar system, two sizable asteroids disrupted from their formerly benign orbits. Although the smaller of the asteroids will "only" create an explosion more powerful than the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima, the big one is an out-and-out dinosaur killer that could send Earth into another ice age. Lily decides it's time to call Washington, so she gets the Federal Emergency Management Agency on the phone.

Jack Wallach (Biehn) is FEMA's daring young director with a penchant for helicopters and a reputation for getting the job done, even if it means going out into the field and rescuing people himself. When he learns that Lily is "for real" he wastes no time in alerting the president. With uncharacteristic common sense the president agrees to order the evacuation of Kansas City, the probable impact site of the smaller asteroid. While Jack sets to work moving Kansas City's more than 1 million residents to safer territory, Lily heads back to her observatory to see if the big asteroid is going to hit Earth. The ensuing days will bring mixed success for Jack and Lily, who have little idea what surprises the asteroids have in store for them or how personal a global catastrophe can be.

A shooting star falls to Earth

Asteroid is a two-part miniseries that can be broken up into distinct movies that share the same characters and background. Part 1 is the compelling tale of a handful of people who realize humanity is facing its greatest crisis. The plot moves swiftly from the initial discovery to the "What can we do about it?" phase, cranking up the suspense and tension at every turn. Both Sciorra and Biehn give solid performances that are bolstered by excellent special effects, a better-than-average supporting cast and a plot that actually has some credibility.

While the science is somewhat dubious and there a few sub-plots (and characters) that should have been cut, overall this part gets high marks.

But Part 2 turns into a straight disaster/survival story that follows Jack, Lily et al. as they cope with the aftermath of the surprises from Part 1. Unfortunately, the audience is also left to cope with a once-believable (albeit Hollywood style) story that has turned into a mere contrivance of a plot. Sadly, the scriptwriters force a series of outlandishly foolish actions onto previously sensible characters in order to create suspense where none exists. It's almost painful to watch the writers destroy the credibility that the actors worked so hard to gain in Part 1.

Taken as a whole, Asteroid delivers only a mediocre return to viewers. But Part 1 should provide enough incentive for anyone to tune in and take a look...after all, it's never too late to turn the channel.

How something can start out reasonably well and then simply disintegrate is beyond me. It just makes me wonder if anyone in Hollywood has any sense. -- Craig E.

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It's Bert I. Gordon and Albert Glasser vs. Joel and the 'bots

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Amazing Colossal Man Rated PG Starring Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Kevin Murphy Rhino Home Video 97 minutes MSRP $19.95

oel Robinson, janitor-astronaut, is trapped on the Satellite of Love with two besprocketed sidekicks, Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot. Forced to watch B-grade films to satisfy the scientific curiosity of experimenter Dr. Clayton Forrester, the crew commandeers the experiment by aiming slingshot wisecracks at anything that moves -- plots, props, credits or cast.

In The Amazing Colossal Man, those witty gibes land on a big, bald target. Colonel Glen Manning accidentally gets more than the minimum daily requirement of plutonium during a U.S. Army bomb test, causing him to outgrow his skivvies, his hospital room and a circus tent. He's bigger than a barn's broadside, but even though he takes a monster-large in Underoos, there's still plenty of room for 'bot bon mots.

While Tom Servo taunts, "How do your chromosomes work when they're as big as stepladders?" Crow advises, "Hey, don't laugh Glen, we're on a fault line." and Joel solemnly intones, "No man is a Three Mile Island." Riff quick and carry a big schtik. Aside from the quips, there are a couple of comedic sketches during intermissions, viewer mail, and the ever-fanciful invention exchange at the top of the episode.

Gizmonics Institute and red jumpsuits

This installment, one of five from Rhino Entertainment, features the Mystery Science Theater 3000 cast that established the show as cult, recalling the era of red jumpsuits and Gizmonics Institute. These are insouciant lunatics at the top of their game. Compared to an old-timer episode like this, the show's present incarnation suddenly becomes MST3K: The Next Generation. But that's not a bad thing, just a different thing. (Extra toy surprise inside -- TV's Frank, who has since left the show, assists Dr. Forrester with the experiment. Aside from having smashingly nice comedic timing, TV's Frank is also probably America's best beloved henchman.)

The average MST3K viewer could be someone who reads almanacs for fun, knows how to pronounce Goethe, or knows how to turn "Bite me!" into a frightening riposte. The cultural references are simultaneously well-traveled and self-absorbed -- a little bit of the Maginot line, Clifford the Big Red Dog, and "I'll be baack." Anyone who can follow the SOL crew as they advance from Scientology to Chic Corea to Chicklets is in.

Of course, if viewers just like neat props or yelling stuff at the screen, they're in too. Fans of the show range from full professors to grade schoolers, so there are enough bright, shiny objects for everyone's nest. Who probably wouldn't like MST3K? Well, maybe communists. Or ergot molds. Or Andrew Dice Clay. Maybe luddites or supermodels. People who like watching celebrity roasts might not like MST3K. The rest? They will.

It's hard to turn down two uninterrupted hours with Joel, the MADs and the 'bots. The invention exchange is no more, so it was nice to see it flex again. Hey, can anyone give me a confirmed, correct pronunciation of "Beaulieu?" -- Tamara

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