oor Crypto Sporidium 137. He's just your average working alien clone—albeit one with a Jack Nicholson drawl—who's looking to move up a little in the ranks. When his boss, Pox, assigns him to gather DNA strands from live humans, he accepts the job reluctantly. No, it's not because removing brainstems using an anal probe causes the humans to split in two with a rather unpleasant ripping noise. He's reluctant because the whole project just seems like such a darn pain in the keister (so to speak).
Crypto has other weapons at his disposal beyond just the anal probe, including an electrical Zap-O-Matic ray gun and the power to read minds and implant suggestions. Destroy All Humans! includes a hefty stealth option, as Crypto can assume the form of any townsperson within range, acting as their ghostly double while reading their thoughts. Like a typical 1950s alien-landing movie, Crypto's journey begins in a farm field in the Midwest. After upsetting the local farmers, he gradually works his way from the heartland to the coast.
As he progresses, he's given additional assignments by Pox, who also sells Crypto upgrades in exchange for the DNA strands. Players can use these upgrades to improve Crypto's weapons, his brain power and his starship. While much of the game takes place on the ground, certain missions also require Crypto to take to his ship and burn everything in sight—including the army vehicles dispatched to the area.
The game follows the open format pioneered by Grand Theft Auto; Crypto can wander through the fields and towns, annihilating everyone in his path. Light beams lead to mini-games (mostly timed challenges). But in general, the goal of Destroy All Humans! is to make it through the various stages, helping Pox in his evil quest to turn humans into mindless minions.
Witty tongue-in-cheek fun
The makers of Destroy All Humans! sure do love their subject matter. The game's writers had a field day coming up with the scenarios and the dialogue for the townspeople. When two Men in Black discuss Crypto, the first describes him as a little green man. The other nervously counters: "Uh, doesn't he look a little gray to you?" It's funny stuff that's far above par for game scriptwriting (and a perfectly timely social commentary on today's America, too).
The game's design, however, has a few serious flaws. The spaceship option is mostly just an excuse to use a ray beam from on high—as long as you keep dodging and weaving, the tanks on the ground generally don't really hurt the ship. Some of the missions are frustrating, especially the timed ones, while others are too easy. Little inconsistencies pop up, too: If you put Crypto into hiding in the woods or behind a house for a few minutes, the decimated town seems to forget that there was an alien invasion mere moments ago. And going into stealth mode means that you're likely to hear some of the same quotes over and over, since to recharge the "concentration" meter you just need to read the townspeople's thoughts regularly.
But the overarching theme of Destroy All Humans! saves the day. It's a truly creative take on the genre that will please anyone who's ever sided with the alien. The graphics are good, the dialogue between Crypto and Pox positively crackles with wit, and the game slips in as many tongue-in-cheek references as it possible can. (What the similarly inspired War of the Monsters did for Godzilla fans, DAH! does for anyone who loves Plan 9 From Outer Space.) It's probably a game players will work their way through only once. But as Bob Hope's theme song used to say—a familiar tune to any fan of the 1950s—it will still be "thanks for the memories" all the same.
This is a brilliant game. Sure, it has some serious flaws, but they can be fixed in Destroy All Humans! 2, which I'll be first in line for.
—Jennifer
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