lobotech, a huge conglomerate formerly specializing in military weaponry, has just acquired Heartland Play Systems. And Heartland's heartless CEO, Gil Mars (Leary), is itching to turn a profit. To that end, Mars demands that the company's two leading designers create the most advanced action figures ever...toys so high-tech that when children play with them, "they'll play back!"
Wanting to keep his job, self-absorbed toy designer Larry (played by comedian Jay Mohr), invents The Commando Elite, a line of ultra-tough toy soldiers. His nerdy partner, Irwin (played by comedian David Cross), builds The Gorgonites: shy, weird creatures from the mythical land of Gorgon. But when Larry mistakenly installs military weapon chips in the new toys, he has no idea what he's unleashing on the nearby unsuspecting suburb of Winslow, Ohio.
Ambitious teen Alan Abernathy (Smith), the son of a Winslow toy dealer, buys several of the Commandoes and Gorgonites to surprise his dad. But these are like no toys he's ever seen. They walk; they talk; they even load their own guns! Viewers soon learn the toys actually think for themselves. And though the Gorgonites are programmed to learn, The Commando Elite have but one mission: destroy all Gorgonite scum, with no mercy!
When Alan and his sweetheart, Christy Fimple (Dunst), befriend Archer (voiced by Frank Langella), the leader of the Gorgonites, Major Chip Hazard (voiced by Tommy Lee Jones), leader of the Commando Elite, declares the human children mortal enemies as well. The war is on!
Now Alan and Christy (and their parents) must fight for their lives as the ruthlessly cunning Commando Elite build bigger and more lethal weapons. The Gorgonites must then choose between their programmed peacefulness and the well-being of their new human friends.
The toys look great!
Within the first 10 minutes of Small Soldiers, it's clear there's trouble. Dumb, uni-dimensional caricatures babbling unfunny, expository dialogue, on uninteresting sets, wearing ratty costumes, in flat lighting...this expensive Dreamworks/Universal picture was sure looking an awful lot like a cheap made-for-cable B-movie...
Unable to relate to any of the phony characters, the audience immediately fell into a dreary silence. What the heck was going on?
Finally, the special-effects toys came to life...and it suddenly became clear: everything else in the film was being sacrificed to make the special-effects toys look good. No time to do additional takes for credible performances; no need to come up with a new or interesting story...all the money and energy and talent had but one purpose: to make the special-effects toys look good.
The actors merely had to hit their marks so the special effects could be better matted around them later; the screenwriters obviously had to abandon story and character development so there'd be room for more toys. (No one could write this badly on purpose!)
To be honest: the special-effects toys look great. And they were much more interesting to watch than what's-his-name, the big boring lizard.
Too bad The Commando Elite were such mean, nasty and hateful little buggers that audiences could hardly bear being in the same theater with 'em. But they sure looked good!
And though The Gorgonites were much more interesting and entertaining, there were just too many of them, and viewers spent too little time with each to get to know them very well, or care. To put it simply, Small Soldiers is really just one big toy commercial. Probably one of the best and most expensive toy commercials ever seen, but 3-D special effects and one-dimensional characters do not a movie make.
ngela Bennett (Langton) is a freelance computer programmer who fixes software problems. She lives alone and keeps to herself, dealing with most people through the Internet.
One day Angela receives a tiny computer and a strange e-mail. The e-mail doesn't make any sense, and it throws her into a chat room where she meets the Sorcerer (voiced by Curry). Within minutes, her bank account has been closed, her credit cards have been canceled and she's been arrested.
She soon finds out that everyone she knew is dead and her previous life has been erased. Everyone now thinks she is Elizabeth Marx, an international criminal. Her release is arranged by Trelawney (Bottoms), a National Security Agency agent. He tells her he knows who she is and asks for her help in finding out who did this to her.
With the help of the mysterious Sorcerer, Angela realizes Trelawney is an agent of the evil Praetorian Guard, an organization that's attempting to take over the world using computers as it main weapon. She manages to escape from Trelawney, but she's now on the run and the police believe she's a criminal. With Trelawney hot on her trail, Angela must follow the few leads she has if she's ever to get her life back again.
Nothing new in this Net
The Net, based on the 1995 film of the same name that starred Sandra Bullock, is a pale imitation of the original. In fact, it's a pale imitation of nearly any movie or TV show about a hero on the run trying to prove his or her innocence.
The series rushes through its first episode so quickly that there isn't time for the characters to get established. Angela gets the e-mail, and within a couple of minutes is found and arrested by the police. Angela is supposed to be smart, but she solves problems so fast (like breaking into a government building), it's unbelievable. It is as if the producers decided "Hey, this Internet/computer stuff is boring, just get her running and blow up some stuff. That will keep 'em interested."
The one big asset the movie The Net had going for it (besides Bullock) was that, at the time, the Internet was new and exciting. The Internet has been around for awhile now, but the TV version of The Net isn't keeping up. The writing, acting and production are all mediocre at best.
While Bottoms is fairly convincing as the lead bad guy, Langton just isn't strong enough to carry the show. She doesn't have much help from the script, which gives her little to work with and makes her character do stupid things (like being tricked into picking up a gun just so her finger prints will be on it).
While the standard action scenes could be recycled from any action series, the biggest problem is that Langton's most common co-star will be a tiny laptop computer with Curry's voice. While Curry's voice has always been compelling, watching words scroll across a computer screen is just boring.
